Pearls before Swine

"Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you."

~Matthew 7:6

I'm a passionate person. I don't merely hate; I despise. I don't just like; I adore. I don't only love; I cherish. When I give, I give it all. It's a character flaw, I've discovered over the years. Feeling too much only gets you in trouble, and loving too much only breeds resentment. Especially when the person you bestow your heart unto is ill-equipped to hold it, much less understand the import of the gift you've so willingly given up.

I shouldn't have been so willing. I found someone I adored, cherished, and gave everything to; unconditionally. They, who always had everything they ever wanted or needed from friends and family...took. And they kept on taking. I kept giving, more and more, a slice of tolerance here, a chunk of forgiveness there...everything my emaciated little heart could muster.
Give
Give
Give...

I looked into the mirror years later and saw a shell of what I'd been. That person has stripped me bare, and I let them. I didn't sing anymore, hadn't written anything in years; what's worse, I turned my back on my friends. All for him.

He tore me apart.

Only now can I see my mistake, in giving too much too soon, and expecting that I would be treated in kind. I only saw my own love when I looked in the mirror then, and made excuses for him constantly. "Well, he was tired that day; I shouldn't have expected him to call me when he said he would...Well, it's my fault he swears at me and calls me a bitch, I shouldn't have questioned him."

Walking on broken glass, to the last. To my great pain I saw that it didn't really matter to him if he saw me on a given day for 20 minutes or 3 hours. He didn't feel the sorrow I did at the lack of his company, nor did he mind when we didn't speak for days on end. The joy I felt in his presence was batted away like a ball of yarn. Everything that happened between us was "If you wish", "Whatever you want", and "As you say." He never really wanted anything of me anymore. But yes; he would always keep...taking.

How long can a broken heart beat? How much can a spent soul give?
Until the blood runs out. Until the soul is twisted irreparably out of shape.

Until a body, taxed at the end of her being, accepts it as the grand joke that it is.
A mistake of colossal proportions.



I woke up and called this morning,
the tone of your voice was a warning
that you don't care for me anymore.

I made up the bed we sleep in.
I looked at the clock when you creep in.
It's 6 AM and I'm alone.

Did you know when you go it's the perfect ending,
to the bad day I was just beginning.
When you go, all I know is you're my favorite mistake.

Your friends act sorry for me.
They watch you pretend to adore me.
But I am no fool to this game.

Now here comes your secret lover,
she'll be unlike any other,
until your guilt goes up in flames.

Did you know when you go it's the perfect ending,
to the bad day I'd gotten used to spending.
When you go, all I know is you're my favorite mistake
You're my favorite mistake.

Well maybe nothing lasts forever,
even when you stay together.
I don't need forever after, but it's your laughter won't let me go
so I'm holding on this way.

Did you know could you tell you were the only one
that I ever loved?
Now everything's so wrong.
Did you see me walking by, did it ever make you cry?
Now you're my favorite mistake
Yeah you're my favorite mistake
You're my favorite mistake