Gamer Musings

I'd never expected to make virtual friends, to find a virtual family after Mirtanna Manor failed. However, early in 2004 I began to play City of Heroes, a new MMORPG, and blew that notion out of my head. Once again, I found connections with people of like minds, people that I could play and converse with. We leveled together, laughed together, shared our stories both fantastic and mundane...and unbreakable bonds were forged. Even though I stopped playing the game almost 2 years later, these friends are still in my life. I do not speak to them as often as I like; sometimes playing different games is like being on a different planet, but I know The Doom Supremacy is there for me always, just as I am for them. Because that's what being a guildie means to them. It's always saddened me a bit that so few of them enjoyed playing World of Warcraft as much as I did, for none of them stayed long after trying it out.

Maybe they saw something, or the lack of something that I didn't at first. For over a three years now I have been playing WoW. I've been in a few guilds, large and small. It's been very different, and I don't mean the gameplay alone. I remember so fondly in The Supremacy the pre-mission roleplay, the eagerness I had to log in and join my friends in their questings. I still giggle at some of the things that were said and done during these raids. Now all I feel is a sense of duty, a hope that the mission will be successful, that no one will become bored and feign 'connection issues' and leave, or simply fail to show up without warning. I remember groups built for the purpose of fun first, upgrades second, and guildies passing or handing over loot to someone that needed it more. Instead I look around wondering who will take the same loot that I need. Laughter, once shared freely in memory, is only doled out to the chosen few in privileged guild cliques that sneer at outsiders. Outsiders that are guildies in name only, as they appear on guild rosters. Not friends, certainly. These outsiders will only be teamed with if there is none of the chosen online. Hell, most of the cliques share instant messaging information and/or phone numbers. People are used as they are needed, not wanted...and even I have begun to forget what it's like to be friends with my teammates.

I've been told that it's the game, that progression is more important in WoW than in CoH/CoV. That City of Heroes & City of Villains has less important goals in gearing up. Maybe that's true, but only in part. I have been in many, many groups of nonguildies. I often found myself in random groups of good people that had the same sense of fun coupled with a desire to achieve their goals. I also found myself in some fairly ridiculous situations that I can only laugh about. Like the PuG (pick-up-group) I was in where the tank, (key to the success of an instance) spoke not a word of English and didn't know the winning tactics to the bosses. When the other team members attempted to advise him, he would only answer "Listen, I am weapon. I go." Whee! Regardless, that group was a lotta fun, though we spent most of the instance on our faces.

Of course, there were some difficult groups as well, things that guild cliques snub the idea of PuGging for. Ninjas (teammates that loot EVERYTHING), AFKers (people that well, just go away from their computer and let the rest of the group do all the work), and Ebayers (players that have purchased their characters on Ebay and therefore can't PLAY). I've not run into these situations much, fortunately. These factors lead me to think that it's more than just the gameplay. It's the people. But how do you find an entire guild of people that 'fit' you? I wish I knew.

I don't want the game to be a job, something I do because I have goals to attain. I don't want to drag my feet most of the time I log in, knowing that in order to get anything done I have to do it alone, with strangers, or worse, people that tolerate and use me as oppose to liking and wanting me. I know I'm sounding all kinds of negative; there is a bright side to the game for me. There are some wonderful people I know and am friends with, though there are only a few left that still play as often as I. I don't tell them, but many's the time I've logged on hoping that they were there; just to say hello. It's a far cry from what I used to have, the fellowship I once shared with people of true character. Yet I'm still trying, still hoping for a time to come again when friends come first and loot after. After all, friends will always be worth more than pixels to me.