On My Own

It's hard being alone, even when you tell yourself that you prefer it that way. There's still an empty hole where companionship should be, and when you have very little to hope for in the future it's even harder. I'm tired of being on my own, tired of having only scraps to hope for. It's not enough anymore. All my life I've been surrounded by people that have no concept of what it's really like to be abandoned, ignored by the people who should love you, and then on top of that to be cursed to choose to spend time with those that have only experienced the best of friends, model families. It's painful.

And now I find myself alone again...




Musical: Les Miserables
Song: On My Own

And now I'm all alone again,
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to.
Without a home, without a friend,
Without a face to say hello to.
And now the night is near,
Now I can make believe he's here.

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping.
I think of him, and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping.
The city goes to bed,
And I can live inside my head.

On my own,
Pretending he's beside me.
All alone,
I walk with him till morning.
Without him,
I feel his arms around me,
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me.

In the rain,
The pavement shines like silver.
All the lights
Are misty in the river.
In the darkness,
The trees are full of starlight,
And all I see is him and me for ever and forever.

And I know
It's only in my mind,
That I'm talking to myself
And not to him.
And although I know that he is blind,
Still I say,
There's a way for us.

I love him,
But when the night is over,
He is gone,
The river's just a river.
Without him,
The world around me changes.
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers.

I love him,
But every day I'm learning,
All my life,
I've only been pretending!
Without me,
His world will go on turning,
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known!
I love him...
I love him...
I love him...
But only on my own...