Death Makes a Holiday

She stood watching the tiny lights, the sparkling city spread below her like a jeweled carpet. The wind blew her dark hair across her cheek like a caress. Calm now, she waited. For what, she didn't know. But the unquiet thoughts that paced across her soul were still for now. It had been easy to scale the side of the building, she thought. Look at me, a ninja. She smiled wryly. It had only been a fire escape, rusty and unguarded. But now she was perched on the side of an office building like a small, disconsolate gargoyle.

In the city, away from the lights, away from the populace. She was only herself. No one to perform for, nothing to try to prove. In the darkness, she was away from it all. How she wished the sense of peace, of silence could last forever. The razorblade she alwayed carried in her coat pocket seemed...hot. She stuck her hand in after it and traced it with a forefinger. Warm. Reminiscing about the fantasies she'd always sought, of recognition, approval, success...never brought her such warmth. They never promised her what she really wanted.

"What do I...want?", she whispered.

Images of the people in her life flashed before her eyes. Lovers, family, old friends.
No. She shook her head.
Not them,
Me.

What do I...
Why do I...

I've been strong, she thought. I've fought hard. It never got me anything. Nothing worth having, and when I got it, it didn't last anyway.

*Yes it did*
Came a whisper of her mind, a small golden gleam, fluttering in her mind like a dragonfly

It lasted until he told me he was my boyfriend, not my therapist. Shut it.
Close the door, open a window...

Razorblades and deadends
mistletoe and sakura blossoms

It's all the same to her.

A bloodflower that blooms in the dead of winter.

She laughed.
It doesn't have to make any sense. They all think I'm crazy.
Beautiful and crazy.
A passionate soul that can only end in madness.

She pulled out the blade and threw it down,
28 stories down into darkness

It's California
it's winter
still warm of course

She's only bones, so she shivers yet
it's more than fleshcold she feels

The blade tinks against the fire escape once
Death raises her curly head from her cup of chocolate
She is watching from the window at Mo's
Will she this time? She wonders.
I like that girl, she thinks. Good conversation.

The girl smiled her trademark as if she'd heard
that small lopsided quirk
and followed the blade with her body
and ended her days with what she had finally found

ah, the silence.