A Paper Crown for a Paper King

After years of listening to people tell me what's best for me, inform me that I made the wrong choices, and my favorite; allow me to make 'decisions' (but only if they're ones that suit their wants), I came to a sudden realization, and a certain question I have for these folks:

• What I want matters just as much as what they want, under any conditions, and in any relationship

and

• Who the HELL do you think you are?

I don't need to be polite to anyone who tells me my business, nor do I have to 'recognize' anybody as an authority figure in judging my choices or acquainting me to the concept of right and wrong.

What I can do is respect your opinion to your face, and snigger at you behind your back when you're not looking.

What I will do is promise to both hear you out and yet be true to myself.

The result from the latter towards a significant other should be a reflection, but past attempts have failed and I don't expect anything to come of any new ones. Why? The past couple of men I've dated have had amazingly large egos and simply couldn't fathom how anyone could possibly be right, not even partially; while having a differing opinion. No compromise, only total compliance was accepted. Most of the time I wouldn't even be allowed to finish my sentence the instant it looked like I was going to diverge from what "We'd agreed on". If I dared to finish, more often than not I'd get abandoned for the rest of the evening.

What's to become of me, I thought; shall I just wilt away, accept my fate and become a little more than a mouthpiece? Would I not only get stepped on, but learn to like it? Would the word 'compromise', come to mean 'compliance'?

Then I read this quote by Gordon Livingston, M.D., a man who has been a psychiatrist for the past thirty years:
"Any relationship is under the control of the person who cares the least."

Dear God; He was right. The instant I let go of the conviction that this man was The One, and I Had To Do Anything And EVERYTHING To Keep Him Interested...~poof~. I stopped feeling frantic every time he shut me down, preferring to go off with friends and enjoy myself for the first time in a long, long while.
Yea. You heard right. Preferred, as in Choosing for myself. As in, I didn't care what homeboy did. He could sit and stew in his own ire while I was treated to a movie by people that had missed my company over the years. And I gloried in being enjoyed instead of tolerated.

I could still choose to agree or disagree as I saw fit; and I even at times genuinely respected his opinion!

Which is why I refitted him with a paper crown. A metal one just isn't flexible enough and would cramp his forehead, you see.

...Don't look at me like that!



King Of Anything

Keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table
While I look outside
So many things I’d say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by

You’ve got opinions, man
We’re all entitled to ‘em, but I never asked
So let me thank you for your time, and try not to waste anymore of
mine
And get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe, but I’m not drowning
There’s no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

You sound so innocent, all full of good intent
Swear you know best
But you expect me to jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset

I’m not the one who’s lost with no direction
But you’ll never see
You’re so busy making maps with my name on them in all caps
You got the talking down, just not the listening

And who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

All my life I’ve tried to make everybody happy
While I just hurt and hide
Waiting for someone to tell me it’s my turn to decide

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

Let me hold your crown, babe